Take A Breathe, Reflect

At last I'm finally ending this torturous 10 blog project (jk) and shutting it nice and tight.

In the beginning, I can say confidently that I was way happier then I am now. 2015 is not starting off too good for me, this has seriously been the worst month ever.
Winter break sucked, I got dragged into a lame family vacation which only made me fall behind in school, made me sick and got me a butt full of mosquito bites. When I came back I got face punched by all the homework and work I had to make up, got my wallet and boots stolen on the same day, the one person I thought would always be there for me is acting like I don't even exist (add that to the list of so called "friends" I've had) and the bird I've had since elementary school died.

I can literally hear god laughing at my pain. 
But looking back at these blogs it shows I was happy at one point and I just need to channel back to the things that really make me happy.
I've realized the things that truly make me happy are the most simplest things in life. I don't need much to keep me content just as long if it's what I want to do and it's not something I was manipulated into doing. The only thing that's been keeping me from throwing myself in front of a truck has been track. Just going and working out with my friends is the one thing I look forward to now a days and it's only conditioning and I'm so pumped for track season to start! All week I've been in a slump, I was desperately looking for a way out and really couldn't find one, the weekend was the slight glimmer of hope that kept me going through the week and as it turns out it really helped. All I really needed was some much needed sleep, watching Netflix and Grease with a really awesome friend and eating some much deserved goodies.
It's going to be a working progress trying to get myself out of this slump. I just have to wake up and tell myself " I will get through this, I will make a difference today, I will get my shit together!" I probably won't but giving myself a pep talk makes me feel better.
Weird as it is, this blog made me realize I always have something to smile about even when everything looks pretty bleak and happiness is something I'm going to have to work at whether I like it or not but as for now I'm going to celebrate on finally completing and turning in the latest assignment I've ever done.

*anaphora

Relax for a minute

Ah yes, the little things.
Who doesn't love the little things? Uh no one, duh.
Seems like I appreciate them more as I start realizing how everything around me is changing, even I'm changing and it's pretty scary to think about the familiar things disappearing at such a rapid pace so noticing the small things make my day a tiny bit better.

I love it when I wake up looking like a 3 and after doing my hair and make up, I go out looking like I'm a fabulous 8.
Coming home after a long ass day and my mom made my favorite meal, YAAASSS.
Peeling of my socks after practice.
Taking long warm showers.
Watching my favorite movie-you should know this-GREASE.
Laughing so hard I feel abs developing.

Drinking the most refreshingly cold water.
Shaving my legs when it's been a while.
Finally going to the bathroom after holding it in all day.
Finding food in the fridge.
Late night talks.
Waking up and realizing it's the weekend.
Having someone who understands me.
Putting together a good outfit.
My mom making me breakfast.
A beautiful blue sky.
Watching the sunset from the lighthouse.
Finishing an essay at 2 in the morning and feeling the biggest weight of my shoulder.

Day dreaming.
Coming home and everyone's like "Yay Vanessa's home!"

Sometimes I don't even get acknowledged when I come home, I barely get a hello. The skies seem bleaker and gloomier than ever.It's just been crazy for the past couple of months and it feels like things won't go back to how they were but I guess this is my new normal and I have no choice but to accept it. But it makes it a tiny bit alright when I step back and realize there's always something to appreciate.


*parenthesis

Did someone say ... Food?
Coming home from school from the fiery pits of hell that is WHS and the crappy ass lunch food, all I can do is fantasize about how food can satisfy my tortured soul,
Piles of spaghetti, towers of fries, texas sized steak, buckets of fried chicken, glistening ice cream scoops, mouth watering tacos, stuffed to the max burritos! The possibilities are endless god damn it!

But then I realize my fridge only has a bottle of ketchup and a wheel of cheese...

So then I settle for whatever my mom made hoping it'll satisfy the tiny fat kid inside me.
Food is like crack to me, I'm always needing my fix, even when I'm not hungry or even when I'm stuffed to the max but that cupcake over there just looks too good to not be in my mouth and then I'm like "what have I done?!" and the fat kid in me is like "but it tasted so gooooooood". It's a vicious cycle I know...
Looking back, I should really have a hot steaming plate of diabetes but somehow I'm still alive. Sometimes I'm just too hungry to care what I put in my mouth, I'll practically eat anythings that's edible but I feel the affects when I'm actually trying to be active and it just don't sit quite well in my tummy.
But it's not like I've never eaten a salad or picked up an apple before but there's just some things I needa cut out, like the lunch food, that just has to goooo,
It's not going to happen overnight but it's a working progress. I will get those rippling abs one day!



*amplification 

Hugo El Loco 

Literally what it means is Hugo the crazy.
I'm not really sure how to translate it where it's understandable and google translate isn't helping either so I guess it's like switching it around to make it the crazy Hugo? I dunno I'll go with that.
My dad was the one who came up with the name and with "Hugo El Loco" but I'm getting ahead of myself let me start with the basics.
Hugo's my one year old chihuahua who my sister happened to "find" wandering the streets( I'm pretty sure she broke into someones yard and took him while nobody was looking) and let me add on that he was the size of a cup when she found him.

And since then we've just kept him.
As cliche as this sounds, mans best friend is a dog.
Hugo's been my #1 since we got him and he's my everything but that doesn't mean he isn't a little asshole. He can be a little dick sometimes, he poops and pees EVERYWHERE! He's potty trained he just likes to be a little ass. He used to be a good little puppy but ever since the neighbor dog started running away and coming to our house, he's been teaching my little angel bad manners.
I remember before I went to work I caught them humping and peeing on each other, wasn't a pretty sight. And from that summer, Hugo's just been... Loco!
Stealing underwear from the laundry and chewing on them(ruined 2 of my undies!) peeing on the clean laundry, leaving me gifts in the house to clean up, stepping on his pee in the middle of the night with my socks on, barking at gods knows what late at night, peeing on my bed, and just making a mess.

I remember this one time I was on the verge of falling asleep until I woke up to my dad shaking me and telling me Hugo ran behind the fence to the ally while he took him out to go potty and couldn't find him so I jumped out of bed, running barefoot outside screaming out his name like a psycho and my brother points out he's behind the fence which is infested with over grown weeds and god knows what else. As I'm trying to shine some light to see if he's there, I see there's a god damn skunk in there too. Now, I'm panicking I'm thinking "oh my god, my baby's ganna get sprayed or get rabies from this skunk!" So at this point it's like a fuck it moment and I'm dead set in jumping in there, grab the stupid dog and somehow get my ass out of there before I get sprayed.As I'm about to grow some balls and jump in there, I hear the bell from Hugo's collar and it's not really coming from where I was so I'm thinking where's this little shit nugget at? Turns out he was under the truck the whole god damn time.
Moral of the story is never let my dad take out Hugo again.

Sometimes I can really hate Hugo but it's like Hugo's an idiot but he's my idiot. Hugo greeting me with puppy kisses when I come home makes it all worth it. I can't ignore everything he makes me go through but it makes me appreciate when he's being good and sweet. I guess this is my life now, coming home to a freak show everyday.

    

                                                                                                                                     *Epithet

Bruh, Really?

First and foremost, working sucks. Felt I was pregnant half the time from standing up so long from my feet and ankles swelling up. The hours really sucked and I never realized how stupid the weather in Illinois really is until I was forced to stand out in the pouring rain!

But having a booty job comes with perks.
To be totally honest if it wasn't for my job, my summer would of been a bust, lamer than a family Christmas party where you only got socks as your gift.
Working at Six Flags Greeeeat America was a memorable experience to say the very least. Took me a looong time to actually like the job, not really sure why I even took it. I guess to justify my reason to why I stayed so long is cause I'm a broke bitch and I needed money bad. I think everyone can relate to my situation.
As time progressed and the season was coming to an end, I realized I had way more reasons for staying than I did in the beginning. I had so many new experiences and shared them with the coolest people ever. They had my back and I had their back. I remember every day someone would at least use the term "bruh", it was our word for any given situation. This lady came up to me one day telling me someone spit on the seat and wanted me to wipe it off and I look back at my friend and we both go "BRUHHHH", "you ganna do it, bruh" "bruuuhhhh.... okay", "thanks bruh ". My boss would be in it too, it was like one big bruh family.
If you would of asked me in the beginning of the season what's the one thing I want, I'd answer with "well, only thing I want in life is for Six Flags to burn to the ground with every asshole guest that's ever visited that god forsaken place."
Harsh but true, still kinda want to see it burn but not as much.
Working gave me new opportunities, meet new people and do things I'd never want to do again. Sticking through this job gave me more confidence in my work ethic and morale which I really lacked in. Sometimes I gatta suffer through some things until I actually appreciate what I have and what I've done to get to where I'm at. I just really wish making kids cry because they're too short to ride wasn't part of the job.

*hyperbole

Let the Vibes work their magic 

I'm sure music is in everyone's list but I guess that's how impacting music can be in someone's life. I find it weird how I'm trying to explain how music makes me happy since it's already hard to understand why it makes me feel the way it does when it's just a bunch of musical patterns with some words thrown in there but  then again why ponder upon it when you can just drift away with the flow of the music.

Music is one of the things I enjoy the most, it's appropriate for any situation! I remember being that type of kid who couldn't leave the house without my earphones and if I did forget them I'd be on the verge of tears. In middle school is when I was really into music, it was a 24/7 thing. During school I'd hide the cord of the earphones under my shirt and hide the ear buds with my hair so in every class I'd be jamming to some tunes while class was going on. I know I'm a genius.

It's like a gateway from the mess that is my life.
When I just want to shut the whole world out I just plug in my earphones and drift away.
Walking the hallways and riding the bus home are the two things I hate most about my day especially when I'm alone, all the noise, so many people, I feel suffocated! I feel my skin crawling, my arms and legs twitchy and the urge to to tell everyone to shut the fuck up politely stay quiet for as long as possible.

But in reality I can't do that, I'd get my ass kicked by the crack babies that make up half of Waukegan, so instead what I do is crank up my music to drown the profanity and vulgar noise that surrounds me.

When I find that song that matches my mood it's like the whole world makes sense, feels like someone out there has felt the same way and somehow manifested that feeling into something that can be shared and can inspire. It just squeezes itself in your feels spot in your brain and it's like whoaaaa the vibes... their beautiful. So I'ma keep on rockin' till I can't rock no more.



*euphemism

Take your Mark

And the swimmers are off!
Splashing into the pool, stroke after stroke making it to the end of the pool with a flip turn then popping out of the water and seeing their arms and legs come in and out of the water pushing back the water, the smell of chlorine in the air, ahhh a swim meet.

Swimming is just one of many sports but it's the most appealing sport I've tried. I've come across many sports but I've only token a couple serious, for example I did badminton during gym and I would never try out for that sport or take is serious, it's like speed walking, it's dumb.
Sports just give me something to do after school and I like that because I don't like being home, I don't have a life and I'm just piling on fat sitting on my couch so why not. It keeps me out of trouble too, keeps me on track since I have to have good grades to compete and it's cool to have good grades, be in a sport and have a job. Makes me feel super human because somehow I'm managing all these things at once.

I used to do soccer but then I realized soccer sucks and its for chumps so I stopped and wanted to try new things so I did swimming. I don't know how I did it but I somehow made it through the whole season and was sorta good at it and had fun!

I remember the meets the most since they were the most nerve racking. The bus rides to away meets were the best, I couldn't even be nervous cause the girls would having me in tears from laughing and when we would take the bus back home, we'd be farting and throwing food at each other, they were just so random. The actual meets would leave me scared shitless. Getting up on the diving stand, hearing the beep to dive in made me feel like I was ganna poop out all my insides and coach always made me do the most random events! I'd beg coach to put me out of the 300 and the 200 but he'd just ignore me and told me if I didn't stop complaining he'd put me in the 500. Even though I would be having a panic attack before the event, the girls would always be cheering me on and calming me down.

Being in a sport has giving me so much more drive, I used to be one of those kids who just went home after school and never really did anything. Being in a team and surrounding myself with people with so much drive and morale, it just stuck on me. I just want to take every opportunity there is to provoke something in me that makes me a better person, improve upon myself and know it was all worth it.




*Trope